Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Normal? Yea, right...

Normal: adjective; conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

This was some of my notes from chemistry today:
I really despise how lonely I am. I'm friendly. I really am, but for some reason I must seem unapproachable. I have nothing to talk about with my peers. I haven't seen the latest movies or been to the social functions. My life is filled with bills and baby and doctors and responsibility. How can I talk about something I don't know? When my mind wanders past my daily tasks, I find it in foreign countries amongst the poverous, or down alleys and city streets. I don't aspire to see France or the extravagant places of the world, but instead the pits and scum. I find beauty in mere human life. I see it in the eyes of an 8 year old girl raising her five younger siblings, while her mother prostitutes to feed them. I see beauty in pure human life, and that's all I wish to continue to see.
Yep, I'm weird, abnormal, odd, queer, unusual, and whatever other synonym you can come up with. This writing was provoked by the thoughts coursing through my brain when people chose not to sit next to me in class. Why? I've always been different than my peers, and I've never really understood why. I did today. I've lived more. I have depth. I've seen things, experienced things that my classmates can't even fathom. I don't understand how to communicate with them, nor them with me. Shallow casual conversation just isn't in me. I can't change who I am, and I don't want to. I'm going to change the world one day (not arrogance, just fact). They aspire to be the biggest hit at the next frat party, and I aspire to provide clean water for Sub-Saharan countries.

The hardest part comes when I'm thinking about my future. School and the here and now, I can handle being a little lonely. But will I find love? How do you love a woman who has a disabled child, and wants to go to Med School, and then wants to travel the world and take care of poor people? I want someone who hurts for them like I do. Who is willing to chase the stars with me? If I decide to be a rich state-side neurosurgeon, or a Tanzanian orphanage director, or a Humanitarian aid worker, or whatever I do. Serious stuff, right? Yea... welcome to my mind :)

I'm weird, World. Period. I spend my days taking care of James David where my two main questions are did he eat today, and did he poop today? I like reading, and Will Smith, and Star Wars, and museums. My dream job is cutting at peoples brains in a third world country. I know I'm odd, but its what makes me me and I love me. :)