Sunday, October 17, 2010

The Weather Channel

Have you ever noticed how rain has so many different variations? There are the vicious storms, the heavy downpours, the occasional shower, and the times it rains on the most beautiful days and it seems so out of place, but its still wonderful. I find that love it the same way. There are so many different types of love. Love can hurt, be overwhelming, and be confusingly peaceful.

Recently becoming a mother I have experienced all of these emotions. When James David was diagnosed with Spina Bifida, it was like a thunderstorm reeking havoc on my life. My baby boy was hurt. My love for him was so strong, the fact that anything was wrong with him absolutely devastated me. (A feeling many mothers have unfortunately experienced.) I sat depressed for weeks. (I was sure not to let anybody else see what I was feeling though). But then, gradually throughout my pregnancy the storm calmed. Then a few weeks before he was born I found myself stuck in a residual downpour. It seemed like everything would just continue to worsen. Distended bladder, enlarged kidney, and low amniotic fluid all threatened an early delivery, but he managed to hold out. James David was delivered by scheduled c-section at 39 weeks. He had an L4 lesion (as opposed to the S2 we were expecting). His sac ruptured, but luckily we avoided infection. We had a lot of problems with cathing variations. As soon as things looked like they were getting better we were back on Q6 again. (I realize that this is really good compared to some, but because of the constant variation it only lengthened our stay in the hospital). This even wouldn't have been a problem if we would have been able to stay in the Ronald McDonald House, but, like everything else, that didn't work out either. (there were some location issues with where we live. They were very rude.) Needless to say, the rain just kept coming down. Like all storms this one let up in due time.

Now we are home, and now, even though James David has Spina Bifida and always will, we are happy. He is doing great, in spite of everything he's been through. I have learned to see past it all and enjoy his amazing personality. I have a spunky tiny man who smiles all the time, is learning to sit up and coo, and has a temper beyond all belief. My love for him still astounds even me. We are still in the rain, but its a crazy beautiful rain and we are dancing in it. :)

4 comments:

  1. I"m glad you finally thought of a name for the blog, and might i add i think its awesome.i hope you keep this thing up. I love you and James David both slot, i'm happy to be "uncle pea" lol. ill dee yall soon. love you kid =)

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  2. Hi Brittany, my name is Alma. I ram across your blog and I am very glad I did. I have a son, Matthew, who was born with spina bifida on August 2, 2010. I just wanted to say I feel as if I had written each of your posts. I completely understand the emotions you feel. I am feeling a little down today because my baby boy may need a shunt revision and although I definitely want to do everything he needs, it kills me to think that he has to have another surgery. He has been through so much already and I feel so bad that I can't just fix it for him. I know I have to remain strong and seeing your blog has really helped me today. You have a beautiful baby.

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