Monday, April 2, 2012


Realization: (verb)
1. to become conscious or aware of (something)

Today I had a realization. I was standing in the hot kitchen at work talking about James David with a coworker. He's had surgery recently and a brief battle with constipation. Because of these he has lost some weight, and he is already very under weight for his age. Describing to her how I can count his ribs, how no matter how hard I try he won't eat most of the time, how I'm not sure what will come next (a feeding tube?), she looked at me with the most serious look on her face. Her eyes locked with mine and she simply asked, "How do you do it?" In that moment, I felt as if someone could really see me. The sounds of the noisy kitchen around me silenced and all was still. She made me think, and I replied honestly to her, "I have no idea." I really don't. I just wanted to cry. This chick got it. At that moment I felt her, and she felt me. Day to day is a struggle, a blessing, an adventure, a mystery, a life all rolled into one.

I feel like no body really sees me. That's why I chose to write this blog. Refreshing it. A brief look everyday into our lives. I don't want comments. Message me privately if you must. But no more being transparent. Today I realized that I am much more than most see. I'm more than the struggling mom at Ruby Tuesday. There are words and thoughts inside me dying to get out. So here they are! :)